What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 23:41
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
How do I become an intelligent man?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So, i spoilt her more .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
What should I do to get over a relationship?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
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She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why won't my mom let me come home if I'm homeless?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
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He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
What does it mean when we dream about demons, ghosts, monsters, etc.?
She wouldn,t have been !
We were not on the streets..
I have no regrets .
Do people have to be a pastor to baptize?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My family never makes their pension either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One cannot live in the past .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
(And it was in our own minds.)
Does the Hamas charter specifically call for the death of all Jews and the destruction of Israel?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She found it foreign!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Was to survive, this bastard.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
This is soul school!.
Comes on , in middle age.
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What did i know ?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So whats the point in blame.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im still living with it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Put me off passion for life!!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I think the readers, may guess!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I could never make a relationship work though!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was in good health!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She married twice! .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He knew the spot.
I was very sick at this time too.
When she asked me how she looked .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She loved him until the end.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It was going to be , some day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And i lived it daily.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I waited trembling.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was seconnd youngest,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Who then, do I blame.?
All the time i was locked up.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My life is so biszare .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was scared of men, in general
I will be 64.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I don,t even have a pension.
Ive learnt so much.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I said to her
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was 9 years of age.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I write beautiful poetry .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Would this be the day?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But, we were locked up after school.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But it wasn’t much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We all went to grammer schools
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!